A Prayer For Hope & Faith

It had been a very emotional week. With the wedding coming up in 2 1/2 months time, the house which is not even fully furnished yet, and of course, not forgetting the $$ constraints we're facing now, I feel like I am going to burst any time any day.

If you don't have the $$ to get married, even if your parents pester you to, don't. You got to spend for your bridal photography, rent gowns, flowers, shoes, wedding rings, ROM (registration of marriage) fees, deposit for the dinner function, actual day photographer/videographer, wedding favors, make-up artists, etc. These alone can come up to RM 5-10k. Then in comes the Chinese traditions where the guy must buy the bed, give 'lai kam' and whatever fruits and biscuits crap (roasted piglet too), must give 'tables' to the girl's side. If I'm marrying someone from an utterly rich family, I won't give a damn. But hey, how can I expect my other half to bear all the cost when we both are struggling to make ends meet? Or expect his family to provide the finances when they have spent more than half of their pension $$ on the house for us?

"The guy's side must pay for this one and that one. It's tradition. Must follow".
"Why are you demanding all this from the guy's side, like you are selling me off? Can't you forget about tradition and be considerate a bit?"
"I didn't know the price I have to pay for your purchase".

Oh! How about the dinner? You'd need to allocate another RM 10-25k for that. It doesn't matter whether the 'angpows' can cover back the cost or you get profit out from them. Talking about this, seriously, why do one even think about profits for your wedding? Is wedding supposed to be a business? And why the need to write down how much each person gives? I personally feel that 'angpows' are given at freewill, regardless of the amount of $$ put into the red packets. You give 10 cents also I don't care. Really. I hate the idea of "Wah.. So and so give RM 5. So kiam siap!". Or "Wah.. So and so gave RM 2k. Must belanja makan". Even if you want to keep track of the total amount (in case if someone steals the $$), can't we just number the angpows or something and then label them like, "Angpow #1 - RM 25. Angpow #2 - RM 8" ?

The other ridiculous thing is that 'angpows' must be divided accordingly - They go either to the girl's side or the guy's side, cannot let the guy's side 'untung' from the girl's side or vice versa. If we're talking about relatives and colleagues, then it's fair enough. But how about friends? We have sooooo many common friends. How are we, or why must we make our friends to decide who is who's friend? For example, Babyface was my primary school classmate. But he and Inspector were best friends during secondary school days. Whose friend is he? Or when I got to know Aneh through Inspector during college (they were classmates then) and then Aneh became my classmate and my 'heng tai' during uni years. How do we categorize him then? Or how about Gummy whom I've known for most of my entire life, who is also a very close friend to Inspector? I don't know, I just find it so darn ridiculous. Can't we just collect all the 'angpows' and record them all as under both of us only - Pay for the dinner and the rest goes into our honeymoon, our house and loans? Shouldn't this be fair enough?

I just don't get it sometimes. It's true that we are Chinese, we need to follow the traditions. But why should we still follow it when we're not even comfortable with them and we're burdened by them instead? I'd wish we can just get registered, hold a simple dinner, say 1 table, for our family, or buffet or something, and then off for honeymoon. But no... "You want simple, ok. But I want to invite so and so this person, so and so that person." "Must have good food". *Gah!* It was too much for me to handle that I just broke into tears last weekend. Don't ask me where will our honeymoon be coz we don't know.

On another note, Inspector and I are both still in a dilemma concerning our jobs - to move on or to stay on. Reasons being financial issue of course and our job functions are too stagnant already. The sad thing for me is that I can clearly see there's no future for me in my current company. I can choose to move horizontally but definitely not vertically... Unless NR decides to switch job or moves higher in the managerial level, but that's like a wish that will never come true. And with the salary I'm drawing out here, it's not gonna be enough to help Inspector in our daily living expenses, what's more to want to set up a family. One by one, my close colleagues are leaving. It was Koala Bear in March. This month was a trainee (her training ended). Next month will be Labu's turn. Ketua is hoping to leave in May if she secures the coming interview. Another colleague is thinking of leaving in June. I know it's not wise for me to switch jobs now, at least not until the wedding is over. Hopefully I'll take the July slot then. Anyone wanna hire me?

Last night when everyone was asleep, I took the time to pray. With Lenny LeBlanc's song, "There Is None Like You" playing from my notebook, I prayed for strength to pull us through all these. For guidance to show us the path to choose. For patience to keep everyone united and less arguments. I prayed for fellow blogger, Lisa that she will recover. That she will wake up real soon. That her parents will not give up the fight. Even though I do not know her, nor that she knows me, I believe in His powers. I believe in miracles. With the support from her family and friends, I believe she can wake up from her long sleep. I believe everyone's waiting for that one miracle.

This morning on my way to work, I still couldn't shake off everything that's still going on in my mind. Just when moments like these are wearing me down and I'd just feel like saying "Fuck all these!", two not one, rainbows appeared before me...

The first rainbow I saw.. Taken from my phone camera.

Red and yellow and pink and green
Purple and orange and blue

I can sing a rainbow
Sing a rainbow
Sing along with me.

If that's not a sign of faith and hope, I don't know what it is then..

An Appeal For Blogger Siao Cha Bor

I had only known Siao Cha Bor as one of the Sing Song Project kakis. But she is in coma now.

An update from Lin Peh, she has stabilized. Her brain is not at its best, but it's a good progress as the rest of her organs are improving. She can still hear the people around her. More info here and here.

Am helping Lin Peh to spread this news out. He is appealing to everyone (whether you know her personally, or you are her readers, or none of them) to make an audio recording to wake her up. Tell her to come back and blog. Tell her that she has enough of sleep. Tell her it's time to meet up for reunion. Tell her she needs to be back on her feet already. Tell her we all miss her. Just like the Sing Song Projects, please record your message and send it to Lin Peh at xymalaysia@yahoo.com. He will compile all the messages into a CD, hand it to Siao Cha Bor's mum and get her to play it over and over again to boost her up.

Please do this for Siao Cha Bor. She really needs this from all of us.

A Dead Tooth

Ever since I visited the dentist to renew the filling for my 2 front teeth, I had been having sharp little pains on 1 of them. Little pains became big and very sharp pains. So much that it really hurts even when I touched slightly on it. I hadn't been able to sleep well the past few nights, and I had trouble trying to eat (especially cold stuffs).

As much as I wanted to ignore the pain and of course, avoid visiting the dentist, I couldn't bear the pain any longer. Took a time off this morning and away I went to face my fear. Turned out my tooth is dying and to save it, I must do a root canal - a process of removing the nerve, filling the gap with some metal and then seal it up with a crown. Otherwise it will be dentures. I had no choice but to choose the former option - Just to save my poor tooth!!!

Although I was given a jab to numb that part of the gum, I could still feel slight pains and oh, I hate the drilling sound! I was in tears - What a wimp, right? The process is broken down into 3-4 visits, so I'll have to see him again this Sunday. I'm given Panadol to relief the pain, and Amoxycillin antibiotics. Apparently they help reduce the swelling, but if it still persists tomorrow, I'll have to go see him asap. The dentist was very kind to give me an MC. "I usually only give MC for extraction, but for your case, I give you, you go back and rest la". So nice, eh? I think because I kept telling him "Pain, pain" and he kept replying "Don't be scared, don't be scared". Hehe..

Went back to the office for a while to settle some stuffs and then home to sleep throughout the afternoon. Mum made me some porridge before she went out for shopping. She left me a plate of salted eggs to go with the porridge. Yummy!

I'm glad the first visit is over. I don't know what to expect for my next few visits. I suppose they shouldn't be so bad. After all, I did a surgery before so nothing else should beat that, right? It was during end of 1994, right after I completed my PMR exams. I had to extract 4 teeth to make way for braces. All 4 of them were suprisingly baby teeth, not permanent teeth. The horror part was that for 1 of them, there was a permanent tooth hidden within the gums. I must remove it! I had to undergo a surgery to extract the baby tooth, then drill through the gums and then remove the permanent tooth. Even with the jabs, it was so painful. The surgeon drilled, then x-rayed again and found out it wasn't deep enough, then drilled again. Mum and Sis accompanied me in the room. I was crying. Sis was crying. It was oh, so bad!

I still shudder whenever I think of the surgery. No more! No more! There better not be anymore permanent teeth playing hide and seek in the gums! Ok.. That's my story.. What's yours?

Have Fun Sex Before Marriage?

A very lengthy online conversation while at work..

Orange: So when is your big day?
Me: Few months time
Orange: Wah congrats
Me: Thank you, thank you. Any advice?
Orange: Well have one last fun b4 u marry hehe. Then you won't regret it
Me: What kind of fun
Orange: Sex
Me: Before marriage? Wah.. With who??
Orange: Hehe.. U seems keen wor.. I can sacrifice for your sake
Me: Cheh wah.. Later your wife come attack me with parang
Orange: How would she know? If u and I didn't tell. So what do you say? When and where?
Me: Ok set. 31st of this month
Orange: Doesn't exist
Me: So clever, you
Orange: Of course. So when my dear? End of this month 30th?
Me: Hey, seriously.. You really did that ahh before your marriage?
Orange: Well. Hehe yes
Me: With someone else??
Orange: Wah, not clear enough ah?
Me: Mind a bit blocked mar now. Wah.. You did it with who laaa..
Orange: With a girl la, who else. U won't know her la
Me: I think for guyz easier la.. Girls a bit hard..
Orange: Why hard?
Me: I mean, theoretically speaking, the girl wouldn't know if the guy did it before right? But the guy would know if the girl did
Orange: Well not true. Guys can't tell also except by the way you behave on bed. If u r new u will lie down as a log and pretend saying pain pain. Then he also can't tell
Me: How can just pretend pain.. The guy can feel wan mar, won't he?
Orange: Nola. That not accurate one. U also can pretend hard to enter ma. So want me to demo to u
Me: Nahhh... Haha..
Orange: So bad. Make me so interested then potong steam
Me: But you're married woh
Orange: Helping a friend ma. So free tonight?
Me: No la. I'd feel damn guilty
Orange: U won't. I teach u how not to
Me: Wah.. You'd really do it hah?
Orange: Well why not? Then I teach u how to tell ur hubby virgin or not
Me: Hehe.. Nvm.. You tell me here how to tell he's virgin
Orange: Well u come meet me i tell u
Me: Dowan laa...
Orange: Trust me it will be for your own benefits
Me: But won't this contradict what marriage is about? Eh.. Later I tell your wife.. Hehe..
Orange: U b4 marriage ma
Me: Need feelings if wanna do mar
Orange: Well I give u feelings. Trust me it is for your own good of your future marriage. If u don't do it u will regret for life and since he sure do it one
Me: Cannot la.. I cannot do it with someone else besides my husband
Orange: U think he is the right man?
Me: Yup
Orange: But i tell u, he sure do with other women b4 marry. I can tell u he will do with a prostitute which is worst
Me: As long as I don't know, then it's ok. But I cannot do it to myself
Orange: Well u r only one sided. He can do but u can't. Trust me, u won't regret one
Me: But you see.. If you can do it with someone else right before your marriage, how can you be sure that you won't do it again after your marriage
Orange: That's my point, it never stops. Unfortunately this is life. He will continue to do it even after marriage
Me: Isn't this considered an affair already?
Orange: Not really
Me: That goes to say you're doing it also la? Hehe..
Orange: Some ppl treat sex as a product. Just like u buy perfume, sex is also a product
Me: But feelings are involved.. And consequences
Orange: Well says who? It is only ur conscience. And who is to say what is right or wrong
Me: You mean to say that, you wouldn't mind your wife sleeping with someone else too after your marriage?
Orange: Like u said, if u don't find out. In fact it is better at least they know how much u love them. Like u said also there is a difference when doing with someone u love and u don't. So the moment they find out that outside is not good, they will stop. Better than u never try and always wonder
Me: But you know that she will, she can and she probably is doing it now
Orange: Well not anymore. Hehe.. Like I said once u know the difference, u will stop
Me: Hehe.. But you haven't stopped
Orange: I am helping a friend. Haha..
Me: Hehe.. Same laaaaaaaa...
Orange: So what do u say?
Me: I'd say no thank you. Try it on someone else. Hehe..
Orange: Sigh.. So waste all my saliva
Me: Haha..
Orange: Anyway, SUPRISE! U PASS THE TEST!!
Me: You idiot!
Orange: Was just teasing with u earlier. Hehe.. Anyway, really happy for u
Me: Eh you really did it ah? Or you pulling my leg?
Orange: Pulling ur leg la
Me: *Phew* I was about to wonder if I'm talking to the correct person
Orange: But trust me, some of your bf's friends will do the real one on him. So if I were u, just prepare him mentally. If u want your marriage to last, don't ever try outside. Once they try, it is hard to come back. Just sit down and have a very very serious talk with him
Me: He's not the type who wants to have affairs or one night stands
Orange: I also not those type who wants one night stand. But did u know b4 marry, all my friends would try to tempt me. Similarly like what I did to u but theirs worst
Me: Hehe.. Really?
Orange: They brought a model girl to ask me sleep with her. If I didn't know what I want, I would fall for it. Most guys will
Me: Wow. I thought it would only happen in western countries or in the movies
Orange: Says who. U still so naive. Haha..

Now, would you go out and have fun with your life before you tie the knot? Or if you're having your hen's or stag's night, would you want to have a stripper and let him/her do all sorts of stuff (even sex) with you? Coz you know, you just want to spend the most out of your bachelorhood while it lasts. You wanna have the last flings before you commit yourself to the one and only person for the rest of your life. Would you do that?

My Bathroom Pets & Bridal Photoshoot Review

Hammie asked if I wanted any. "I want! I want!". I got 19 of them. Muahahahaha....

Presenting Orca's latest collection - myFlipper toothbrush holders, animals collection...

They're awfully cute, no?

Hammie knew some connections and we got them at staff price. I'm probably the only one in the office who gushes at all cute things like these. *grin* It was for a limited period only, so I ordered 2 complete sets (16 altogether) and 3 others for Moorish and Sue. I'm taking the pig coz I love pigs - They're soooooooooooooooo cute!!

I'm giving Mum the cow and Sis the dog. It's their animal signs. Guess their ages! *lol* I don't know which one to give Dad coz they don't have his animal sign. Giraffe or zebra is cute though. Inspector will get the lion coz he's a Leo. *wink* The rest will be distributed amongst Inspector's family, Sis' bf's family (she's gonna bring them along when she visits her bf in Hong Kong next week), and a couple of my closest friends (Gummy, which one you like ah?).

I'll start using mine once I've moved into the new house. Speaking of the house, Inspector and I have yet to scout for bedroom sets. We've been so busy with the wedding preparations, don't even have the time to fill up our Income Tax forms. *gasp* When is the deadline, by the way?

Oh, last Friday's photoshoot was fun. Was there at the bridal house since 7am (to do make-up and hairdo first). Then the shoot started at 8 plus and ended around 2pm. They follow the storyboard concept so we had a variety of scenes. We did very, very, very, very little of the standard poses in a small studio room where you stand (or sit) in front of the plain background. But we spent most of the time lingering around the house - on the staircase, by the balcony, on the sofa, porch, swing and the garden, doing progressive shots (storyboard mar!) and individual shots. We threw rose petals onto the air. We popped the cork off the sparkling juice, poured some into the champagne glasses and drank from them. We blew bubbles and catched them with our hands (the makeup artist joined in the fun. Hehe..). We ran around the porch. Inspector piggybacked me and also carried me. The photographer was supposed to bring his Dachshund but too bad, the dog was on sick leave. So we made do with releasing birds instead. Hehe.. All real and natural. This is what we wanted. This is why we chose this particular bridal house. We are reaaaaaaaaally lousy actors, so we can't do those "look left a bit, chin up a bit, smile wider a bit" shots like how they are in the other bridal houses (especially the typically Taiwanese photostyles - no offence to those who took such packages).

We'd only taken very few pictures with our own cameras which are of course, not as nice since we are not that professional. But the photographer managed to upload all the pictures onto his notebook and we viewed them whenever we had our 5 minutes breaks. I have to admit, they were really niceeeeeeee.. I can't wait to see how will they look like when the photographer adds in his magical touch. *smile*

Agendas for this month (besides scouting for the bedroom sets and filling up Income Tax forms) - Finalize the invitation card design, collect the thumbnails CD in 1-2 weeks time and select the photos for the album, food tasting at the hotel and scout for bridesmaids' dresses. 3 more months to go!