Miserable

Sometimes I can't believe that I've been in Holland for 2 months now. Just 2 more weeks and I'll be leaving for home, to where I belong. The more I think about it, the slower time seems to pass by. Especially now.

There had been so many occasions of breaking down when I prayed, asking that I be home fast. To think that after being here for 2 months, I should be well adjusted and not be as homesick now. But frankly, I just want to go home. I want to hop onto the next available plane and be home.

I remember when I discovered that I was having chickenpox, I prayed and cried that night. Alone in the hotel's attic room, I asked why. Why the change of plans for making me stay for 10 weeks when it was initialy only 6. Why chickenpox in Holland when I am so far away from my husband and my family. Why did I take this job in the first place. Why this. Why that. I prayed for strength, that I could hold on and be strong. That I could do it. And it sure didn't help when everyone keeps telling me to be patient and that time will pass by very quickly. Sometimes I just wanna scream at them and say "For the thousandth time, YES I know! How many times do you need to remind me??". I prayed for kindness, that I would not suffer so much from chickenpox. Having it in a foreign country was definitely not a fun thing.

2 months now, and I am still as homesick as when I arrived at Amsterdam Schiphol Airport. I try to be happy as much as I can, to travel just to keep myself occupied and not think about it. *Sighz* It's so hard. The irony is that I've done this before. I've spent 2 years in Sheffield but at that time, I had my 'heng tais' with me. Life was still bearable then. It's not to say that I'm having a tough time with my teammates here. They are ok, but they're the ones where colleagues should just remain colleagues but not as friends, you know.

But I guess, I'm still blessed. I had it easy with chickenpox, health and foodwise. Not too much of scars but they're still slowly healing. The weather hadn't been too terrible here especially when I travelled around. Moorish and Bozo are currently in Houston and Saudi respectively, both also counting down the days when they land in Malaysia. I'm not alone in that sense. Someone up there does actually listen to me after all. :)

I wonder if it is too much for me to ask that the clock be sped up. Just a wee bit, perhaps.